My goals for my revision plan is to go back and make sure each body paragraph is focused on one point that leads up to the main goal of my paper: to convey that art makes a positive change in the world. If there is a body paragraph that isn’t focused well on a point I will adjust it or take it out and form a new one. I would like to make sentences transition into new paragraphs in a better flow so that the reader can understand the relationship between the paragraphs along with understanding my main argument. I plan to  focus more on my beliefs and directly say those while backing it up with how art makes a difference in people’s lives. I will go back to my writing and make sure that within each paragraph, I directly say my expressions or beliefs to the paragraph’s main point. In each paragraph I will have some sentence that relates my opinion to the speakers of the Ted Talk or Southan’s essay. My biggest challenge is to avoid formal writing but rather incorporate my opinions as I am used to avoiding personal pronouns and making general statements. I will read other people’s pieces as I have seen during peer revision that they are able to express their opinions directly. This will motivate me to do the same. Going back to Southan’s essay and the Ted Talk will also help me because both Haas and Hahn and also Southan explain their beliefs in different forms while also explaining their challenges and comprehending opposite opinions. I will relate to the way they communicate with their audience by communicating in a similar way and using similar techniques such as addressing both sides of the argument but making sure I state my overall belief. I would also like to use more imagery and descriptive words that are out of my vocabulary by looking up synonyms. This will help me strengthen my knowledge and my essay.

Ideas: Under my peer’s text they had concluded with the idea that art can be influential in a positive and negative way. I commented that it was an interesting idea but in order to make their thesis make sense to the reader they should make their stance more clear earlier on in the essay.  This fits under the section for ideas because it would allow the thesis to become stronger if their stance was set in place earlier on rather than focused on in the last paragraphs.

Evidence: In my other peer’s text they described  how art can reveal images of events as it brings awareness to citizens around the word. I commented by saying this way a great way for art to be used to communicate but to develop more on the idea of whether or  not art could resolve issues alongside bringing awareness. They could do this with a quote from their Ted talk as most of the artists brought some sort of physical or emotional change to humans.

Organization: My peer’s conclusion talked about how art can be a positive and negative influence and although this was a good point it should be moved to the paragraph before the conclusion. As the conclusion it confuses the reader on the writer’s stance. The writer could instead make a conclusion that summarizes their overall feelings and stance on the issue

My experience with global edits was more influential over local edits because it focuses on the main arguments of the paper which gives it a more significant flow. Local edits focuses on the tiny errors such as grammatical ones which everyone makes. Global edits gave me more helpful and useful ideas for the final draft. I could understand what I wanted my paper to focus on before having to worry about the small errors. Reading a paper first for just the global edits gives you more experience with the text so when you read it for a second time you can catch more errors or gain new ideas.

While reading my peers paragraph on the class website I was able to get creative ideas on how I could approach my paper such as making the topic of art relatable to myself in a way that readers could also relate to. This is intriguing for both the writer and their reader. Reading something that isn’t your own allows you to have a more open mind and this helped me see other ways I could create my paper. Learning from the critiquing of one’s paper showed me what to do and also what not to do. I enjoyed being able to compliment my peer’s paper while also giving what I hope are helpful tips because it may not only help them but me as well.

In the TED talk, Dr. Urhahn and Jeroen Koolhas bring light to poor communities around the world who are only seen for their bad. When creating art by painting the buildings in the communities, Urhahn and Koolhas are creating beauty within the cities while also allowing the citizens to join into the process. The beauty of the paintings allows citizens and authority to see the goodness within the community, not just the bad. It gives the area physical beauty but also brings beauty to the citizens who were able to be part of the artwork. As Dr. Urhahn stated, “And at the end, the city of Philadelphia thanked every single one of them and gave them a merit for their accomplishment” (6:40). This gave the citizens a sense of worth in their community by being praised for their work for once rather than scolded for the things they do wrong by the press. The difference that Urhahn and Koolas made shows that art can have a positive impact on both the community and it’s people.

In the essay by Rhys Southan, “Is Art a Waste of Time?” he explains how even though art may be a passion it does not always help those in needs, at least in the eyes of the Effective Altruists. Southan faces this challenge as he joins the group and learns about their views while also creating a film. The EA believes that the way to truly help those in need is by earning money through hard work and donating it. They do not think that artists are physically helping those in need and rather than wasting their time making art they should donate money. Money is the one resource that would purchase food, water, medical care, and more. Although art may help it is not the best or quickest way.

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While brainstorming I realized that both the article and Ted talk represent art as a way to express a situation or feeling and in both pieces it can communicate to larger groups. Although they do not represent the value of art to the same extent, they signify what art is and how it can be presented. They both show that art is a donation of time and effort whether or not it affects the health of the needy in the same way as money. Art is a form of communication towards bettering the world rather than doing the actual benefitting. It is a step towards the final goal.

While re-reading the article “Is Art a Waste of Time?” I continued to express frustration with the article but also found myself agreeing. I still believe that money may be the best way to help those in need, but I disagree with the fact that artists are useless. While reading the article for the first time I could see that Rhys Southan was back and forth between whether or not art was a waste of time, most likely because that is his passion. What I did not realize when reading the first time or at least did not think much about was that while he was trying to understand how artists may not be valuable, Robert Wiblin, who is the executive director of the Centre for Effective Altruism, claimed that he “would really love to have some artists” (Page 437).  He also stated that they need visual designers and would like to see how they could promote art. It showed me that not only are the artists hesitant on how to react about the debatable subject but so are people who are committed and work for the group.  I was also more disappointed by the fact that the group “wants everyone to be happy and fulfilled” (Page 436), yet they encourage that artists stop wasting their time doing what they love and donate money. This is a reasonable argument when taking in account the lives of people in need, but may be hypocritical for them to say in the first place.

Glossing over the text once more gives your mind and eyes another chance to analyze the text. When first reading the article I was confused by Southan’s wording when he stated: “We were already halfway there when my second reasoning for going threatened to undermine my first” (Page 435). I did not understand the arrangement of his words and decided to move on rather than refer back to his point before. By refreshing my mind on the word undermine (http://www.dictionary.com/browse/undermine) and giving myself another chance to read it again, I realized what he was saying. His second reason for going, which was to learn more about the EA goals and do something else with his life, threatened his first reasoning for going which was to work on finishing his script. This is due to the fact that the EA believes art is not the right way to give to the needy and defeats the purpose of the group’s mission.

Art is a controversial subject to the article written by Rhys Southan who realized the group he has joined, also known as Effective Altruism, does not believe his creative style of film making is helping those who are suffering in this world.  Southan states, “Like Hilton, most of them seemed doubtful that art had much power to alter the world for the better” (Page 436). The members of Effective Altruism like Hilton believe that art is a waste of time and resources, when people could be working hard and giving the money they earned to those in need. Although money helps better those in a poor situation by purchasing food, water, medicines and more for them, art is a way to promote donations and bring awareness. I see art as being a creative way for talented people to grasp the attention of those who are not artists but can still appreciate it. An artist can paint or write about people in need or a problem in the world and make it appeal in an emotional sense for other citizens. These citizens then feel the need to help by donating money to those in need, but in order for donations to be received, awareness needs to take place and art is one of the best forms of presentation. Also, I find it frustrating because not all people can afford, as much as they work, to give away their money to other people as much as they would like to. Art is often a cheaper way for them to use their talent to reach out to others who may be able to help in greater amounts.

This article also quotes the idea that, “Artists, meanwhile, paint the beautiful landscape in from of them while the rest of the world burns” (Page 437). This may be true in some circumstances but the article brings a harsh tone while stating this. I found this as being negative when there does not have to be a negative aspect to it. There can be positivity in people who see the good in the world because it motivates them to better the environment. It is also not the case for all artists. There are many talented artists who paint landscapes and other things that can be disturbing because it brings awareness to their audience and opens up the eyes of people who need to start making a difference.  Although there are some points  within this article that I agree with, such as we sometimes waste our time when we could be saving lives, and that money is a big step in helping those in need, I also believe that it can be too narrow minded. Everyone is in a different position and art can be just as useful as money can in some situations.