Month: February 2018

Quote 1: As Southan claimed in his writing, Peter Singer used the analogy: “Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her, even if you hadn’t pushed her in? Even if it meant ruining your clothes?” (435). He goes on to say that it would be a problem for people to respond no, yet people ignore those who are dying of poverty.

Revised Quote: While arguing about how people approach world problems Southan quotes Peter Singer’s analogy in his article: “Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her, even if you hadn’t pushed her in? Even if it meant ruining your clothes?” (435).  This quote questions the motives of bystanders who would say yes to saving the girl yet continue to ignore those around the world dying of poverty. 

Reasoning: I chose to fix this quote because I did not give enough details in a clear manner when introducing the quote. I also decided to say what the quote meant after stating so that the reader could understand. Before, rather than explaining the quote I stated more of what Southan said in his article rather than using my own words to explain the quote.

Quote 2:  While he contemplates this idea, Painters Jeroen Koolhaas and Dre Urhahn show in their TED talk that they can bring together communities to join their art project as they are giving joy to the people and their community as a whole. As said by The Guardian, they are transforming “slums” into “open-air galleries” (1:57). Therefore, neither art is not a waste of time nor is it the only solution to the problem. It is one of many helpful steps towards the solution. 

Revised Quote: While Southan struggles with the idea if art is worth time in relation to money, Painters Jeroen Koolhaas and Dre Urhahn show in their TED talk that they can use their artistic abilities to bring beauty to a place like Santa Marta that is considered ugly and dangerous to the press. For example, The Guardian claims that Haas and Hahn are transforming “slums” into “open-air galleries” (1:57). As seen in the point of The Guardian, a place that was once a slum can be transformed into something beautiful through the work of art. Therefore, neither art is not a waste of time nor is it the only solution to the problem. It is one of many helpful steps towards the solution. 

Reasoning: I decided to change the introduction of this quote because when beginning it I did not exactly say why Southan was contemplating the idea I had previously followed. This allows me to be even more direct with the reader. I also did not explain what The Guardian meant after the quote, instead I immediately added my transition sentence to introduce the next paragraph. Following what “They Say I Say” mentioned I made sure to always introduce and explain the quotes directly so the reader could follow.

Rough Draft Paragraphs 1&2:

Art has the power to expand from within an individual into the community as it brings together people who are working to transform something considered worthless to worthwhile. Creating art means taking action towards a goal that ultimately benefits the world and should not be considered a waste of time as seen by the Effective Altruist group in Rhys Southan’s article “Is Art a Waste of Time?” Southan struggles with the idea about whether or not art is helping the world as he himself is an artist, but he is confronted by the realistic ideas of the Effective Altruists on how money is the most useful tool to help those in need. While he contemplates this idea, Painters Jeroen Koolhaas and Dre Urhahn show in their Ted talk that they can bring together communities to join their art project as they are giving joy to the people and their community as a whole. As said by The Guardian, they are transforming “slums” into “open-air galleries” (1:57). Therefore, art is not a waste of time, it may not be the solution to the problem but is a step towards the solution.

According to Southan’s article “Is Art a Waste of Time?” the EA believes that art does not directly benefit those in need. As said in the article, “By definition, most artists are mediocre, and their art doesn’t really please many people if any” (Pg 440). Although, as Painters Haas and Hahn have shown with their beautiful artwork that people are inspired by the creation. Haas and Hahn not only had a team from Santa Marta, a known to be violent and rough area, working together, but they also received a call from the Philadelphia Mural Arts Program to paint the buildings of North Philly, one of the poorest communities. Their art brings hope to Santa Marta citizens who are usually only known for the bad aspects of their community as they are creating teamwork, beauty, and possible opportunities for more jobs with the presence of their artwork. Artists such as these are proving why art is valuable to communities around the world while pleasing people with their masterpieces. So why does the EA not recognize the impact art can make on a community?

New Paragraphs 1&2:

Creating art means taking action towards a goal that ultimately benefits the world and should not be considered a waste of time as seen by the Effective Altruist group in Rhys Southan’s article “Is Art a Waste of Time?” Southan struggles with the idea about whether or not art is helping the world as he himself is an artist, but he is confronted by the realistic ideas of the Effective Altruists on how money is the most useful tool to help those in need. While he contemplates this idea, Painters Jeroen Koolhaas and Dre Urhahn show in their Ted talk that they can bring together communities to join their art project as they are giving joy to the people and their community as a whole. As said by The Guardian, they are transforming “slums” into “open-air galleries” (1:57). Art has the power to expand from within an individual into the community as it brings together people who are working to transform something considered worthless to worthwhile.

According to Southan’s article “Is Art a Waste of Time?” the EA believes that art does not directly benefit those in need. As said in the article, “By definition, most artists are mediocre, and their art doesn’t really please many people if any” (Pg 440). In contrast, Painters Haas and Hahn have shown with their beautiful artwork that people are inspired by creation. Haas and Hahn not only had a team from Santa Marta, a known to be violent and rough area, working together, but they also received a call from the Philadelphia Mural Arts Program to paint the buildings of North Philly, one of the poorest communities. Their art brings hope to Santa Marta citizens who are usually only known for the bad aspects of their community as they are creating teamwork, beauty, and possible opportunities for more jobs with the presence of their artwork. Artists such as these have proved the EA’s statement wrong as they are pleasing communities such as Santa Marta. So why does the EA not believe art can change the world?

Changes Made: 

As I read in the Little Seagull handbook, topic sentences are sometimes put at the end of the paragraph which is what I changed in my introduction. I moved the first sentence to the end because it described my opinion on art and was a good transition sentence into the next paragraph. It also hooks the reader at the end of the introduction to continue reading. I also read in the handbook that to show contrasts, using words words that deliberately state differences helps get to the point of the essay and helps the reader understand. In the second paragraph I decided to add phrases like “in contrast” when talking about the EA and the painters Haas and Hahn to further develop on the importance of art in both their eyes. At the end of the second paragraph I made sure to address the differences once again and then end the paragraph with a question that leads further into argument in the third paragraph. This question makes the reader curious.

My goals for my revision plan is to go back and make sure each body paragraph is focused on one point that leads up to the main goal of my paper: to convey that art makes a positive change in the world. If there is a body paragraph that isn’t focused well on a point I will adjust it or take it out and form a new one. I would like to make sentences transition into new paragraphs in a better flow so that the reader can understand the relationship between the paragraphs along with understanding my main argument. I plan to  focus more on my beliefs and directly say those while backing it up with how art makes a difference in people’s lives. I will go back to my writing and make sure that within each paragraph, I directly say my expressions or beliefs to the paragraph’s main point. In each paragraph I will have some sentence that relates my opinion to the speakers of the Ted Talk or Southan’s essay. My biggest challenge is to avoid formal writing but rather incorporate my opinions as I am used to avoiding personal pronouns and making general statements. I will read other people’s pieces as I have seen during peer revision that they are able to express their opinions directly. This will motivate me to do the same. Going back to Southan’s essay and the Ted Talk will also help me because both Haas and Hahn and also Southan explain their beliefs in different forms while also explaining their challenges and comprehending opposite opinions. I will relate to the way they communicate with their audience by communicating in a similar way and using similar techniques such as addressing both sides of the argument but making sure I state my overall belief. I would also like to use more imagery and descriptive words that are out of my vocabulary by looking up synonyms. This will help me strengthen my knowledge and my essay.

Ideas: Under my peer’s text they had concluded with the idea that art can be influential in a positive and negative way. I commented that it was an interesting idea but in order to make their thesis make sense to the reader they should make their stance more clear earlier on in the essay.  This fits under the section for ideas because it would allow the thesis to become stronger if their stance was set in place earlier on rather than focused on in the last paragraphs.

Evidence: In my other peer’s text they described  how art can reveal images of events as it brings awareness to citizens around the word. I commented by saying this way a great way for art to be used to communicate but to develop more on the idea of whether or  not art could resolve issues alongside bringing awareness. They could do this with a quote from their Ted talk as most of the artists brought some sort of physical or emotional change to humans.

Organization: My peer’s conclusion talked about how art can be a positive and negative influence and although this was a good point it should be moved to the paragraph before the conclusion. As the conclusion it confuses the reader on the writer’s stance. The writer could instead make a conclusion that summarizes their overall feelings and stance on the issue

My experience with global edits was more influential over local edits because it focuses on the main arguments of the paper which gives it a more significant flow. Local edits focuses on the tiny errors such as grammatical ones which everyone makes. Global edits gave me more helpful and useful ideas for the final draft. I could understand what I wanted my paper to focus on before having to worry about the small errors. Reading a paper first for just the global edits gives you more experience with the text so when you read it for a second time you can catch more errors or gain new ideas.

While reading my peers paragraph on the class website I was able to get creative ideas on how I could approach my paper such as making the topic of art relatable to myself in a way that readers could also relate to. This is intriguing for both the writer and their reader. Reading something that isn’t your own allows you to have a more open mind and this helped me see other ways I could create my paper. Learning from the critiquing of one’s paper showed me what to do and also what not to do. I enjoyed being able to compliment my peer’s paper while also giving what I hope are helpful tips because it may not only help them but me as well.

In the TED talk, Dr. Urhahn and Jeroen Koolhas bring light to poor communities around the world who are only seen for their bad. When creating art by painting the buildings in the communities, Urhahn and Koolhas are creating beauty within the cities while also allowing the citizens to join into the process. The beauty of the paintings allows citizens and authority to see the goodness within the community, not just the bad. It gives the area physical beauty but also brings beauty to the citizens who were able to be part of the artwork. As Dr. Urhahn stated, “And at the end, the city of Philadelphia thanked every single one of them and gave them a merit for their accomplishment” (6:40). This gave the citizens a sense of worth in their community by being praised for their work for once rather than scolded for the things they do wrong by the press. The difference that Urhahn and Koolas made shows that art can have a positive impact on both the community and it’s people.

In the essay by Rhys Southan, “Is Art a Waste of Time?” he explains how even though art may be a passion it does not always help those in needs, at least in the eyes of the Effective Altruists. Southan faces this challenge as he joins the group and learns about their views while also creating a film. The EA believes that the way to truly help those in need is by earning money through hard work and donating it. They do not think that artists are physically helping those in need and rather than wasting their time making art they should donate money. Money is the one resource that would purchase food, water, medical care, and more. Although art may help it is not the best or quickest way.

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While brainstorming I realized that both the article and Ted talk represent art as a way to express a situation or feeling and in both pieces it can communicate to larger groups. Although they do not represent the value of art to the same extent, they signify what art is and how it can be presented. They both show that art is a donation of time and effort whether or not it affects the health of the needy in the same way as money. Art is a form of communication towards bettering the world rather than doing the actual benefitting. It is a step towards the final goal.