My goals for my revision plan is to go back and make sure each body paragraph is focused on one point that leads up to the main goal of my paper: to convey that art makes a positive change in the world. If there is a body paragraph that isn’t focused well on a point I will adjust it or take it out and form a new one. I would like to make sentences transition into new paragraphs in a better flow so that the reader can understand the relationship between the paragraphs along with understanding my main argument. I plan to  focus more on my beliefs and directly say those while backing it up with how art makes a difference in people’s lives. I will go back to my writing and make sure that within each paragraph, I directly say my expressions or beliefs to the paragraph’s main point. In each paragraph I will have some sentence that relates my opinion to the speakers of the Ted Talk or Southan’s essay. My biggest challenge is to avoid formal writing but rather incorporate my opinions as I am used to avoiding personal pronouns and making general statements. I will read other people’s pieces as I have seen during peer revision that they are able to express their opinions directly. This will motivate me to do the same. Going back to Southan’s essay and the Ted Talk will also help me because both Haas and Hahn and also Southan explain their beliefs in different forms while also explaining their challenges and comprehending opposite opinions. I will relate to the way they communicate with their audience by communicating in a similar way and using similar techniques such as addressing both sides of the argument but making sure I state my overall belief. I would also like to use more imagery and descriptive words that are out of my vocabulary by looking up synonyms. This will help me strengthen my knowledge and my essay.