Taylor's Blog

My first favorite revision strategy would have to be glossing over the text. Before writing an essay over an article, I always reread the article a couple times and make notes in order to fully understand it. By understanding the article completely, it makes your written argument stronger. I also like annotating the work that I am reading because it allows me to get my ideas out while reading it so that later on I can look back to it, remember what I was thinking while reading it, and then write about it in my essay. Once I use these methods I find it useful to make a short outline with the main points from the reading and how I want to argue it in my essay. Putting ideas out in a fixed order on paper before writing the entire essay makes it easier to focus on the argument. Writing an essay without an outline sometimes leads to an argument that is not organized and this can make it confusing. I have found that these techniques are useful not only in english but in other subjects such as biology where you need to read scientific journals and then write a lab report. I often times find scientific journals a lot more difficult to read so glossing over the text, annotating and making an outline before I write my lab report is a lot more useful.

My goal for this essay is to focus on the thesis of my argument and to relate everything back to it. I want it to be more narrow so that I am not rambling about too many points. Right now my essay is getting too long and consists of many points. The steps that I need to take in order for this to happen is by condensing my introduction and the points that are in there. My body paragraphs go off of the points in my introduction so if I reduce my introduction than I will have less body paragraphs. My biggest challenge would be trying not to get off the course of my argument into too many directions because although I am passionate about the topic, this can cause confusion in the essay. If this is too hard I will begin a new word document and copy the paragraphs I want to keep while clearing the rest, this way it would make the process less overwhelming and confusing. I could also ask my peers and teacher on how to make my thesis more specific. I could look in the little seagull book to see if there are any tips on how to fix this problem.

Part 1: My essay will contain linguistics, visual, auditory, and spatial. These forms will work to maintain and express my main argument by relating in some way. These forms will be expressed through pictures, videos, songs, different font types and sizes, and the paragraphs will be altered from their normal form. I will use sources such as the articles we read in class, youtube for videos on art and song lyrics, and possibly wired magazine, the book of life, and/or Aatish Bhatia’s Blog. I will correctly cite these by using The Little Seagull handbook.

Pard 2 Outline: 

Intro. An individual, such as myself, may appreciate the beauty in art because it relates to their life in some form. Through this sense of beauty are two forces working together: the sense and form drive as explained by Schiller.

Paragraph 1: We find beauty in art as it represents something familiar in our lives that we find comfort in but may be lacking.

Ex: Devon’s country song and how it reminds him of his life and hometown. Also a picture of his hometown further visualized the message.

Ex: My presentation about tattoos and how they can be in memory of a loved one or an inspirational reminder for the hope and confidence we lack.

Ex: School of Life’s prescription for the purposes of art: “Perhaps it’s full of serenity we admire but don’t have enough of, or perhaps it’s got the tenderness we long for but that our jobs and relationships are currently lacking” 

Paragraph 2: Beauty of art helps rebalance our lives by showing us what we are lacking or even what we currently have and need to realize. In order for us to be at balance with who we are and strive to be, the sense and form drive need to be balanced.

Ex: School of Life’s prescription for the purposes of art:”All of us are a little unbalanced in some way. We’re too intellectual, too emotional, too masculine or too feminine, or too calm, or too excitable.”

“It’s in the power of art to help us be more rounded, more balanced, and more sane.”

Ex: Schiller claims, “Rather, the two sides are in need of each other. If the sense drive dominates, we become brutish and superficial. If the form drive is too dominant, we become dry and callous. We need the  two to interact harmoniously in order to see the role that beauty can play in our lives.”

Paragraph 3:  As humans we are placed in this world to support not only ourselves but others, especially in such a chaotic world. Art allows us to understand what is really important to us.

Ex:School of Life’s prescription for the purposes of art:”It might be propaganda about the simple life or about the need to broaden one’s horizons or about a more playful, tender approach to life. It’s a force that stands up for the best sides of human nature and gives them a platform and an authority in a noisy, distracted world”

Ex: Nikki and Carla’s presentation on the piano and how they played at the old folk’s home. Not only do they enjoy playing but they brought joy to others.

Armstrong’s comment “To regard beauty as a luxury adornment or a social signifier was to miss the true potential of the experience” means that a person is ignoring the true beauty of something and how it makes them feel but rather is focusing on the social aspect of the thing. I view beauty as something that grabs my attention and brings out a strong emotion in me. This happens often when I listen to music that pleases my ears and allows me to relate to the music so that I can connect with it. Society on the other hand has come to classify beauty based what the majority of the population finds attractive or pleasing when it reality beauty varies person to person. Not everyone gets the same emotions or awe from something such as a sunset as others may. This thought is also expressed in Armstrong’s essay when he states, “People are delighted by wildly variant things and that’s how it should be, the thinking goes-so don’t get worked up trying to figure out which things are beautiful” (Lines 3-4). Everyone thinks differently and is pleased by a variety of things so there is no true way to classify beauty, it all depends on what you classify as beautiful. In other words, “beauty lies in the eye of the beholder.”

Although every presentation was unique in their own way, I truly appreciated Alexis’ presentation because I could relate the most to it. I enjoyed how she took a personal experience and explained how one song could hold so much meaning. She was able to connect a song that may be taken in different ways to different people and explained how it meant to her. Her point inspired me to be able to view all the aspects of art and how others may relate to them, not just myself. She also gave the insight that music can be a way of relieving emotions and communicating through the lyrics which is very inspiring. Her primary mode of communication was powerful because she choice the essay to express her thoughts but also included pictures and played the song for the class. Rather than just mentioning the name of the song and a line from it, she also played it. The class was able to connect and be intrigued in more than one way. This made her thoughts and feelings very effective and relatable. I thought she was very brave and clear when speaking about a topic that is close to her heart and contains many emotional feelings.

http://adeguzman.uneportfolio.org/

While reading my essay I underlined the transitions, circled the key terms, and put boxes around the pointing terms. I noticed that a majority of my essay was circled with the words science and art as the essay revolves around these two terms and how they should be integrated into the laboratory, classrooms, and society. The word integrated, technology, human, creative, balance, and equilibrium were also circled a lot. These key terms were the things that I relied on the most when trying to get my main argument across. The transition words that were underlined were useful to make my points clear and flow from one to the other. Although, I did notice that I could use more transitions as I did not have quite as many as I expected. There are quite a few boxes around terms such as “it, who, he, his, itself” which can be replaced with could be replaced with terms that are more direct and clear.

Part 1) In Jonah Lehrer’s article, he argues that there needs to be a balance between the world of art and science and the gap that separates them needs to be filled. He claims that “science is public culture” and that “science is the only news” (Page 5). While science is the main focus of today, Lehrer explains that we need art to give science a “new lens” because it is not giving society all the answers it needs and art can help bring a new perspective.  Lehrer believes that a science based world is more of a practical problem that is holding back science’s theories. Science alone cannot solve life’s mysteries and therefore needs the help of art as Lehrer states. Artists capture life experiences and emotions whereas science cannot understand the mind from the inside in the same way.

Part 2)

Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle: This principle explains how there is a fundamental limit to what we understand about quantum particles and nature in a small, specific sense.

The Bridging Principle: The neural event that shows the activity of brain cells and how it creates  experience and consciousness.

Reductionism: Principle of analyzing and describing complex events in terms of phenomena that represent a simpler explanation.

Synapse: Junction between nerve cells in the nervous system that permits a neuron to pass an electrical or chemical signal to another neuron.

Epiphenomenon: A secondary effect or byproduct that arises from but doesn’t influence a process.

Holistic perspective: Engaging and developing the whole person, this can be in a physical, spiritual, or emotional level.

Metaphor: A figure of speech where a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to which it is not literally applicable.

Part 3) Virginia Woolf is an English writer who uses consciousness as a narrative device. She is quoted in Lehrer’s essay as she claimed that the role of a novelist is to determine and explain the human mind on a daily basis. She is thought to describe the mind from the inside which supports Lehrer’s argument that art is needed in this science based world because it explores the human mind. Arthur Eddington is an english astronomer, physicist, mathematician, and philosopher of science. According to Lehrer he compared the expansion of the universe to an inflated balloon. This was said through an analogy which relates the importance of art to the studies of science related material in order for a better understanding of the concept.

1) Immediate Context: The article known as “Necessary Edges; Arts, Empathy, and Education” written by Yo Yo Ma. The article was originally published on the World Post in January 2014. Yo Yo Ma is a cellist and songwriter who is famous for winning Grammy Awards and has produced 90 albums. Yo Yo Ma attended Juilliard school and Harvard University. He is both talented and smart, characteristics that his article revolves around.

2) Imposed Context: My purpose for reading this text is to get a better understanding of the world around me, besides just technological and science based things. Reading the article incorporates the meaning of art and creativity in my world that momentarily revolves around science and technology. While all my classes are science based (besides this one english course) and all my homework is online, it is relieving to finally hear the words art and creativity. This article evokes emotion for me as it motivates me to become more creative.

3) Internal Context:  Yo Yo Ma tries to explain in his article why the world needs both art and science, not just science. There needs to be an equilibrium in the world by adding art back into the picture and switching STEM to STEAM or else humans will be avoiding things such as art which they need in order to be creative and evoke emotion. While incorporating his personal experiences and beliefs he is allowing the reader to relate and follow along with his argument.

4) Lemmings: A small, short-tailed, thickset rodent related to voles.

Repertoire: Stock of plays, dances, or pieces that a company or performer knows/performs.

Tandem: Having two things arranged one in front of the other.

Quote 1: As Southan claimed in his writing, Peter Singer used the analogy: “Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her, even if you hadn’t pushed her in? Even if it meant ruining your clothes?” (435). He goes on to say that it would be a problem for people to respond no, yet people ignore those who are dying of poverty.

Revised Quote: While arguing about how people approach world problems Southan quotes Peter Singer’s analogy in his article: “Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her, even if you hadn’t pushed her in? Even if it meant ruining your clothes?” (435).  This quote questions the motives of bystanders who would say yes to saving the girl yet continue to ignore those around the world dying of poverty. 

Reasoning: I chose to fix this quote because I did not give enough details in a clear manner when introducing the quote. I also decided to say what the quote meant after stating so that the reader could understand. Before, rather than explaining the quote I stated more of what Southan said in his article rather than using my own words to explain the quote.

Quote 2:  While he contemplates this idea, Painters Jeroen Koolhaas and Dre Urhahn show in their TED talk that they can bring together communities to join their art project as they are giving joy to the people and their community as a whole. As said by The Guardian, they are transforming “slums” into “open-air galleries” (1:57). Therefore, neither art is not a waste of time nor is it the only solution to the problem. It is one of many helpful steps towards the solution. 

Revised Quote: While Southan struggles with the idea if art is worth time in relation to money, Painters Jeroen Koolhaas and Dre Urhahn show in their TED talk that they can use their artistic abilities to bring beauty to a place like Santa Marta that is considered ugly and dangerous to the press. For example, The Guardian claims that Haas and Hahn are transforming “slums” into “open-air galleries” (1:57). As seen in the point of The Guardian, a place that was once a slum can be transformed into something beautiful through the work of art. Therefore, neither art is not a waste of time nor is it the only solution to the problem. It is one of many helpful steps towards the solution. 

Reasoning: I decided to change the introduction of this quote because when beginning it I did not exactly say why Southan was contemplating the idea I had previously followed. This allows me to be even more direct with the reader. I also did not explain what The Guardian meant after the quote, instead I immediately added my transition sentence to introduce the next paragraph. Following what “They Say I Say” mentioned I made sure to always introduce and explain the quotes directly so the reader could follow.

Rough Draft Paragraphs 1&2:

Art has the power to expand from within an individual into the community as it brings together people who are working to transform something considered worthless to worthwhile. Creating art means taking action towards a goal that ultimately benefits the world and should not be considered a waste of time as seen by the Effective Altruist group in Rhys Southan’s article “Is Art a Waste of Time?” Southan struggles with the idea about whether or not art is helping the world as he himself is an artist, but he is confronted by the realistic ideas of the Effective Altruists on how money is the most useful tool to help those in need. While he contemplates this idea, Painters Jeroen Koolhaas and Dre Urhahn show in their Ted talk that they can bring together communities to join their art project as they are giving joy to the people and their community as a whole. As said by The Guardian, they are transforming “slums” into “open-air galleries” (1:57). Therefore, art is not a waste of time, it may not be the solution to the problem but is a step towards the solution.

According to Southan’s article “Is Art a Waste of Time?” the EA believes that art does not directly benefit those in need. As said in the article, “By definition, most artists are mediocre, and their art doesn’t really please many people if any” (Pg 440). Although, as Painters Haas and Hahn have shown with their beautiful artwork that people are inspired by the creation. Haas and Hahn not only had a team from Santa Marta, a known to be violent and rough area, working together, but they also received a call from the Philadelphia Mural Arts Program to paint the buildings of North Philly, one of the poorest communities. Their art brings hope to Santa Marta citizens who are usually only known for the bad aspects of their community as they are creating teamwork, beauty, and possible opportunities for more jobs with the presence of their artwork. Artists such as these are proving why art is valuable to communities around the world while pleasing people with their masterpieces. So why does the EA not recognize the impact art can make on a community?

New Paragraphs 1&2:

Creating art means taking action towards a goal that ultimately benefits the world and should not be considered a waste of time as seen by the Effective Altruist group in Rhys Southan’s article “Is Art a Waste of Time?” Southan struggles with the idea about whether or not art is helping the world as he himself is an artist, but he is confronted by the realistic ideas of the Effective Altruists on how money is the most useful tool to help those in need. While he contemplates this idea, Painters Jeroen Koolhaas and Dre Urhahn show in their Ted talk that they can bring together communities to join their art project as they are giving joy to the people and their community as a whole. As said by The Guardian, they are transforming “slums” into “open-air galleries” (1:57). Art has the power to expand from within an individual into the community as it brings together people who are working to transform something considered worthless to worthwhile.

According to Southan’s article “Is Art a Waste of Time?” the EA believes that art does not directly benefit those in need. As said in the article, “By definition, most artists are mediocre, and their art doesn’t really please many people if any” (Pg 440). In contrast, Painters Haas and Hahn have shown with their beautiful artwork that people are inspired by creation. Haas and Hahn not only had a team from Santa Marta, a known to be violent and rough area, working together, but they also received a call from the Philadelphia Mural Arts Program to paint the buildings of North Philly, one of the poorest communities. Their art brings hope to Santa Marta citizens who are usually only known for the bad aspects of their community as they are creating teamwork, beauty, and possible opportunities for more jobs with the presence of their artwork. Artists such as these have proved the EA’s statement wrong as they are pleasing communities such as Santa Marta. So why does the EA not believe art can change the world?

Changes Made: 

As I read in the Little Seagull handbook, topic sentences are sometimes put at the end of the paragraph which is what I changed in my introduction. I moved the first sentence to the end because it described my opinion on art and was a good transition sentence into the next paragraph. It also hooks the reader at the end of the introduction to continue reading. I also read in the handbook that to show contrasts, using words words that deliberately state differences helps get to the point of the essay and helps the reader understand. In the second paragraph I decided to add phrases like “in contrast” when talking about the EA and the painters Haas and Hahn to further develop on the importance of art in both their eyes. At the end of the second paragraph I made sure to address the differences once again and then end the paragraph with a question that leads further into argument in the third paragraph. This question makes the reader curious.