Quote 1: As Southan claimed in his writing, Peter Singer used the analogy: “Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her, even if you hadn’t pushed her in? Even if it meant ruining your clothes?” (435). He goes on to say that it would be a problem for people to respond no, yet people ignore those who are dying of poverty.

Revised Quote: While arguing about how people approach world problems Southan quotes Peter Singer’s analogy in his article: “Suppose you saw a child drowning in a pond: would you jump in and rescue her, even if you hadn’t pushed her in? Even if it meant ruining your clothes?” (435).  This quote questions the motives of bystanders who would say yes to saving the girl yet continue to ignore those around the world dying of poverty. 

Reasoning: I chose to fix this quote because I did not give enough details in a clear manner when introducing the quote. I also decided to say what the quote meant after stating so that the reader could understand. Before, rather than explaining the quote I stated more of what Southan said in his article rather than using my own words to explain the quote.

 

Quote 2:  While he contemplates this idea, Painters Jeroen Koolhaas and Dre Urhahn show in their TED talk that they can bring together communities to join their art project as they are giving joy to the people and their community as a whole. As said by The Guardian, they are transforming “slums” into “open-air galleries” (1:57). Therefore, neither art is not a waste of time nor is it the only solution to the problem. It is one of many helpful steps towards the solution. 

Revised Quote: While Southan struggles with the idea if art is worth time in relation to money, Painters Jeroen Koolhaas and Dre Urhahn show in their TED talk that they can use their artistic abilities to bring beauty to a place like Santa Marta that is considered ugly and dangerous to the press. For example, The Guardian claims that Haas and Hahn are transforming “slums” into “open-air galleries” (1:57). As seen in the point of The Guardian, a place that was once a slum can be transformed into something beautiful through the work of art. Therefore, neither art is not a waste of time nor is it the only solution to the problem. It is one of many helpful steps towards the solution. 

Reasoning: I decided to change the introduction of this quote because when beginning it I did not exactly say why Southan was contemplating the idea I had previously followed. This allows me to be even more direct with the reader. I also did not explain what The Guardian meant after the quote, instead I immediately added my transition sentence to introduce the next paragraph. Following what “They Say I Say” mentioned I made sure to always introduce and explain the quotes directly so the reader could follow.